…the facility’s staff to ensure that they were never left alone together
Posted by Patti on June 11th, 2008 / Print This Post
Residents with dementia: Who are WE to decide who they have relationships with? This is a thought provoking article.
Bob’s family was horrified at the idea that his relationship with Dorothy might have become sexual. At his age, they wouldn’t have thought it possible. But when Bob’s son walked in and saw his dad’s 82-year-old girlfriend performing oral sex on his 95-year-old father last December, incredulity turned into full-blown panic. “I didn’t know where this was going to end,” said the manager of the assisted-living facility where Bob and Dorothy lived. “It was pretty volatile.”
Because both Bob and Dorothy suffer from dementia, the son assumed that his father didn’t fully understand what was going on. And his sputtering cell phone call reporting the scene he’d happened upon would have been funny, the manager said, if the consequences hadn’t been so serious. “He was going, ‘She had her mouth on my dad’s penis! And it’s not even clean!’ ” Bob’s son became determined to keep the two apart and asked the facility’s staff to ensure that they were never left alone together.
After that, Dorothy stopped eating. She lost 21 pounds, was treated for depression, and was hospitalized for dehydration. When Bob was finally moved out of the facility in January, she sat in the window for weeks waiting for him.
People with dementia should have rights too. But until we loosen up a little, they won’t.
June 12th, 2008 at 7:50 am
When did the world change and ppl past 70 lose their rights to have sex? Okay, so say they have dementia/alzheimer’s or whatever oldtimers disorder is the flavor of the week. There are stages in these disorders and unless the patient is unable to feed, dress, bathe or make it to the bathroom on time consistently, then we should monitor their behavior to assure they aren’t in danger and then leave them alone to enjoy what ever time they have left in this world. The elderly can still feel love, hate, happiness and disappointment. The elderly still have rights and shouldn’t be deprived of companionship…both parties in this instance are adults and apparently were enjoying themselves… I say, sonny boy, back off and get your own girl.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:31 am
My dad is 87 yrs old and has a “younger girlfriend” who is 77. They are both widowed, they go line dancing twice a week and perform with a group at nursing homes and fests, they just moved in together and are like newly weds…it gives me hope for the future.
June 12th, 2008 at 11:33 am
The son is taking on the father role and forgetting that his father is an adult.
There’s no risk of creating children and at this point, if he gets an STD, does it really make a difference? I’m for resident relationships. If it adds joy to their lives, we need to stand back and let it happen.
June 13th, 2008 at 12:24 am
I totally agree with you all.
When I’m an old bat (LOL) with some memory deficits I might want to play around; who are you to deny me that? Who are my adult kids? Who is the state or government to tell me I can’t?
June 21st, 2008 at 11:01 am
Ok sonny leave them alone it seems as if they were happy but now how do you feel being the one who caused your fathers happiness to be lonier now because you are keeping them apart!Not to mention his girl friend health has failed,we’re to help keep them happy and alive as much as possible ,NOT KILLED THEIR CHANCES OF LOVE AND LIVING !YOU SHOULD GOTTEN THEM MRRIE SO THEY COULD BE MORE HAPPIER until death SONNY BOY!